Willpower in Winter

I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope.
— psalms 130:5
And He was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.
— Luke 9:23
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
— 2 Corinthians 12:9

willpower feels like a day at the beach

looking over my shoulder for the next wave that will come

catching it and rushing forward from the forceful momentum that carries me

then sometimes I just resign

from the forces that move, from the crashing waves and tide rising, tide falling, sand slipping around my feet sinking deeper

instead I go sit, on the shore, choosing the sidelines, and face the horizon, watch and listen to the all the movement


when a wave of melancholy hits

I strap on a life vest of grace, I remember verses to hold me afloat

and the moon glows at night, and the clouds float over up high passing by

"One dish at a time" I will tell myself, just clean one dish today then put it in the dishwasher. This trick often works. I start small, and a small start feels a little like that verse about dying to myself, but I do it (four days after it should have already been done) and as always after one, I do another, and then another, and the momentum carries me on. But first I had to gently nudge myself to start; one day at time, one dirty dish at a time.

Willpower is like a day at the beach, or 30 minutes washing dishes four days late, and always the gift of grace to begin again. It feels like all of that sometimes.